Good morning, Company Girls and others (I hope!) This post sounds a bit on the grumpy side. Sorry about that! It is something I feel strongly about–missing opportunities with our children. Since my blog is about making a home cozy, I thought it would be fitting to occasionally talk about family issues, particularly parenting. I am constantly making mistakes and trying to correct them when it comes to being a mom…Maybe you are, too?
Distracted Dining--What are we doing? *photo from flickr.com/photos/artotemsco
There has been a lot in the news lately about distracted driving–particularly the kind involving cell phone use. Statistics show that a driver on a cell phone is four times more likely to be involved in an accident; new studies indicate that laws are not making much of a difference.
This isn’t my battle, though. Every driver makes his or her own decisions and then lives with the consequences. My topic today is for parents, particularly moms, though I see dads doing this, too.
All parents spend some time in parking lots, waiting for children. Sports practices do not end on time, or we arrive a few minutes early just to be on the safe side. Then, instead of wasting time, we decide to catch up with a friend or conduct some business on the cell phone. It’s OK; we are parked.
What I observe many times, though, is the child getting into the car and the parent continuing the conversation on the phone, many times not even glancing at the child. Talk about missing the boat! This is prime time for parent-child communication–from the little guys up through teens.
I have two teenagers, and there are times when they get in the car and do not want to talk. I get that. But if they want to unload about basketball or tell me about their French class or who is going out with whom, I want them to know that I am available to listen. If I am on my telephone, that moment disappears quickly. I miss out; they miss out. The connectedness of our family suffers.
I hear parents complain often that their children quit talking to them as they get older. Is that the case, or do we just stop listening? Maybe the time gets more limited. That’s natural. But when we let unimportant things cut into that time, we are letting a huge opportunity pass to maintain a relationship with our kids.
Don’t pass up a chance to get to know your children better. They change constantly, and if we don’t listen to them, converse with them, we run the risk of waking up one day (when they are 16) and not recognizing who they have become. That’s a risk I do not want to take.
Don’t worry it wasn’t too grumpy! I think you speak the truth, sometime these reminders are important. It’s not just try of children either, being in a car with someone is a great time to chat, we should take all the oppotunities we get to sit and talk communication is so important.
On a different perspective, I remember spending most of the time in the car with my parents fighting with my sister which I’m sure distracted them a lot! I hope when I have kids they don’t return the favour!
Jade
How very right you are! I’m ashamed to say that sometimes I’m guilty of being on my phone or computer too often… But that’s definitely something to work on! Thanks!
We forget that listening is an active skill. It’s not just about the sound getting into our ears, but about our processing the information, checking to be sure we really understand what was said (actually SAID, rather than what we thought we heard, or wanted to hear). You can’t split attention and listen well. And to have someone right there with you – and opt to continue a conversation with someone who isn’t…?!
I love listening to people, finding out who they are and what they think. Take the opportunities when you get them, especially with family!
That is a great observation about the cell phone. And you are right. That is a prime opportunity to be there for our children.
Oh I totally agree with this! I don’t have kids yet, but I was a teenager not long ago and my mom was an early cell phone adopter. This happened so frequently to me, and I remember feeling so discouraged. I was one of those kids who wanted to unload my day, but there were times when I wasn’t able to. Everyone in my family is also very bad about distracted dining – and I have subsequently made the rule that cell phones are not allowed at the dinner table. Granted, the only people the rule affects are my husband and me, but we intend to continue the habit as more people join the household. I hate it when someone calling gets priority over me, a real person in front of you. Talk about a missed opportunity!
I am so with you…Amen, sister!
Thanks, Melinda. I am sure I miss lots of opportunities, but, at least, this one is obvious to me!
I also love listening to people to see how they tick. I think sometimes we all have pre-determined ideas about family and don’t bother to listen.
I plan to be a better listener to everyone! The first George Bush’s mom told him that God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a very good reason…:)
A good reminder to be sure. Thanks!
what a great reminder!
I think our nation (or even beyond) as a whole is missing something when there are so many more ways to communicate, yet we communicate less than before. Now that we have a data plan (i.e. the Internet) on our phones, it’s hard not to check email, etc on the go, but it’s definitely not good for our family. You’re definitely right that this is something to be grumpy about. And I think it’s true that the law doesn’t do too much because I see people texting as they’re driving. Not a good thing anyway you look at it. Thanks for addressing this issue.
We often overlook the obvious – recently I noticed that my daughter is better able to communicate her feelings when we are on a drive – not going anywhere, just driving, her and I alone. It’s been a blessing to hear her open up and just share more of her feelings – she is 12 and at that age where we could struggle, but my plan and prayer is that I will be the kind of mom who sees and hears my children.
You have a very good point! It is very easy to become distracted but so important to let your kids know you care. I try to tell my kids all the time that they can talk to me about anything at anytime. But often I find myself impatient when those times come. Very convicting!
What a great post! You hit the nail on the head here. I have found myself not be “present” because of other distractions. I have been working on it, and I so appreciate your post. Thanks. A great reminder.
It’s the same with just walking to the bus stop or to school – those are the times that kids open up. My kids are still quite young, but there are always opportunities to talk or play. My tendency is to check on my email, which is the same thing as being on the phone when kids are around. Thanks for the reminder
Have a great weekend …
That is so true. I don’t drive, but I do need to work on listening to my kids, particularly my 7 year old. I admit that most of the time when he is telling me a story (all his stories are so looooong) I tend to zone out, and pretend to listen. I am starting to do that more often. Thanks for reminding us to stay connected to our kids.
That wasn’t grumpy, just passionate! You’re right. Life is way too short to miss those kinds of opportunities with our children. Thanks for the encouragement!
Have a blessed weekend!
Great blog post!!! Such a good reminder to everyone. I agree, it’s not grumpy. Full of conviction instead!!!
We got rid of our cellphones last year just for the sake of having a little bit of extra money. We didn’t expect the added benefit of talking to each other in the car! So you are so right. It’s easy to just pick up the phone and talk to friends when the more important people in our life are sitting in the back seat.
Now it’s cell phones. I always had my nose stuck behind a book when I was a teenager. I got into the car and immediately opened the book. I think parents and kids have always had this problem. I remember my parents complaining that getting me to talk was like pulling teeth. Then in my late 20s I discovered I could voice my opinions just like everyone else. Now they probably wish I would shut up. I also think part of the growing up process is kind of a trial separation from the parents to find yourself. When my sis and I hit our 30s we discovered that our parents weren’t near as dumb as we thought they were and started talking more. I wonder if my mother ever wishes when we didn’t talk to her about every little thing?
Funny, Shawna! And you make a good point about the problem merely taking a different form. My issue is more the parent sticking their nose in a book or computer or, in this case, cell phone and missing out on the quick window of opportunity to get to know their child better. Of course, sometimes children have to learn to wait, but if that is a constant thing, I think they will eventually just give up–and shut up! (I also remember hearing my mom say that I didn’t tell her anything…)
Cool, Anna! I love when a plan has some nice unintended consequences.
Thanks, Ashley, for sharing how you felt! I think you are very wise to have some rules/standards now. It will make sticking to those rules much easier when you do have children. I agree completely that real human interaction should trump telephone and electronics…If we lose the one-to-one, with our family or friends, then we’ve lost a precious gift.
I am so fortunate that my teenagers recognize the rudeness of texting/talking on the phone while hanging with people. (Don’t get me wrong…They can text with the best of ‘em!:)) But, I see them pulling away from some very old friends–because it is very discouraging, as you said, to feel like you are not as important as the one on the phone.
I’m totally with you! It’s rude to be talking with someone and have them start texting or scrolling through facebook etc right in the middle of the conversation. It’s awfully easy to fall into that…and I think we all need the reminders to focus on the people we are with!
Loved this!
Thanks, Rachel, for taking the time to stop by–and for hosting your Company Girls’ Coffee. I so admire your writing and your wonderful blog! Keep up the inspiring work.
This is important to me, too. I cut friends off quickly and hang up (if I’m on the phone) when I see my children walking to our van (before they even see me!). I am trying to do my blogging during the day, too, so that I’m not a distracted mom. And your line about “…maybe parents just stop listening” — powerful. Never thought about it that way, but you’re right! I find mine mostly just want a listening ear and not advice