I remember when they were little (four and five), and I would sometimes make a little happy face out of lunch–you know, carrot stick eyebrows, PB&J sandwich triangles for eyes and nose, banana for a smiley, and pretzels for hair. It was pretty darned cute! And very appropriate for a mom to do when her children are four and five.

But trust me when I say, eventually and gradually, this treatment has to stop. Otherwise, the seventeen-year-old will starve to death because he has never had to make his own PB&J. He doesn’t even know where you keep the bread!

I have enjoyed being the nurturing, attentive mom. It has always made me feel good to feed and water my own little people, and to keep them in clean clothes.

But now, they are not so little.

Big Boy Shoes

Lots of Big Girl Shoes

Somehow, they both learned to be very responsible at life away from home. Since they were about in 4th grade, I haven’t had to hover over them to complete homework, to finish projects, and to turn in assignments. They learned to write stuff on my calendar and to give me permission slips to sign. And one of them will actually make herself some dinner, if absolutely necessary.

These are great things, and honestly, I am one proud mom. But I still have work to do. On me. I still have some control that I need to hand over. To them.

If children are to become independent adults, we have to relinquish our duties and be sure they are capable of taking care of themselves. I’m not talking cold turkey here, and I’m not talking about nine-year-olds making dinner and cleaning the kitchen…But they should be loading the dishwasher occasionally. Think age-appropriate chores.

This process of teaching independence is gradual and can really make the mother inside of us feel conflicted. Moms (and Dads) take care of their children. So, how can I not make my twelve-year-old breakfast and lunch every day? Why shouldn’t I clean his room for him? He’s just a kid. Right?

Yes. And no.

Kid, for now. But constantly changing and constantly growing up.

We start by teaching–which includes helping when they need it. Over the course of a few years, they eventually learn to make an egg sandwich and to cut grass. And I certainly pray they will learn to clean the toilet! This process will sometimes be painful–both for them and us. And we will backslide sometimes…I admit that I will make my teenagers lunch occasionally this summer, maybe out of a little mama guilt or maybe just because I want to.

But this summer I do have a plan, and it’s big. I am turning loose of laundry. There. I said it in black and white. First, I will show them. Then, I will write directions and tape them to the laundry room cabinet door. Then, I will put down the basket and walk away.

Piles of Sorted, Stinky Laundry

Will I feel guilty? Most likely–on some days. But it is time to be sure they are getting ready for life. On their own own, without a hovering, over-achieving, well-intentioned, spoiling mama. Because I want what is best for them. I want them to have the confidence they need to know they can handle life, and I want them to feel the pride that comes from that confidence. If I continue over-achieving, I will be taking away that opportunity.

Part of me might feel a little bad about getting them ready for life, but part of me will smile. Especially when I watch them scrub their own toilet.

The Bottomless Laundry Pit--The Birthplace of Independence

Here’s the inspiration from Pottery Barn:

from Pottery Barn Teen

Oh…I had forgotten how cool it was!

Here is our version–now much-used (and it looks like it needs a clean-up, sweet daughter!):

PBT--Reinvented...Don't ask me why there is a wire coat hanger or old candy canes on here. She marches to her own drummer, and I love that about her!

First, we built a structure to mount the individual squares onto. We built it out of 1 x 2s that were left over from something. (1 x 2s are cheap, even if you do have to buy them.)  Nothing fancy (It doesn’t show.) Simply a square with three verticals.

Detailed blueprint for memo board skeleton

View from the side of the framework

The vertical boards are 12 inches apart.

Next, my sweet husband (OK. He might have sighed at this request, but he did it anyway, thereby making him sweet.) cut pegboard into 12 inch squares. We used the pegboard as a base for the cork tiles–even the ones with fabric on top. The pegboard was what I had on hand, but I have to tell you that it made the piece quite heavy. Heavy enough that it is hung on studs. If I were doing this again, I might use foam core as the base for the fabric and cork squares.

My daughter picked fabrics and decided the layout of the 3 x 3 grid, though because we used Velcro (keep reading), they layout can be changed. She opted to leave two squares as pegboard, which we spray painted silver. The rest we hot glued cork on top of and wrapped five of those with the various fabrics. She wanted a white board but I couldn’t find the materials. Also, a piece of metal would have been great (for magnets), but none was readily available that didn’t have to be cut. Did I mention that I am deathly (I tend to exaggerate) afraid of cut metal? I hear it hurts.

You could even paint a square of plywood or luan with chalkboard paint. The point is that the possibilities are endless!

To adhere the squares to the framing, we stapled strips of velcro onto the verticals and the edges of the squares. Believe it or not, placing the squares on the velcro perfectly is harder than it looks! In fact, we decided not to worry about perfection. It ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Not perfect, but good enough!

Slight improvement though still not perfect!

We prepared it for hanging with eye screws and wire. Wire seems to be a bit more forgiving when it comes to leveling. Just watch out for the cut ends. Lethal! (Again, exaggeration. But cut wire really can cut you.)

Other views:

Looking at these pictures makes me want to go back and make a frame to finish it off. (I think it could use one.) But for now, my daughter loves how it all came together! It was a good project for us to do together. And just think, if she didn’t have a place for all of these treasures, they would be in a stack or box somewhere. Oh, who am I kidding? They’d be on the floor.

Organization is good. Making it happen with your teen aged daughter is even better.

Mmmm...French Toast makes me feel like a real cook!

Perhaps you are a real cook. If so, good for you. (And I admit to being a wee bit jealous.) Someday, I might be a real cook–if any of my mother’s gift finds its way, finally, into my DNA. (A retroactive cooking gene? I can only hope.)

In the mean time, I do what I can.

I decided to take a risk and share a [gasp] recipe with you. If you are a real cook, stop reading now. I would hate for you to choke on your coffee, laughing. If you are a cooking-gene-deficient busy woman, maybe you have forgotten this simple, nutritious breakfast. Or maybe you think it sounds fancy, and, therefore, complicated. Let me assure you…It isn’t.

I make a lot–because I have one BIG-breakfast-eating 16-year-old son (and a 15-year-daughter who isn’t a big breakfast eater but will usually eat two pieces of this!) who loves any hot breakfast. It’s his favorite meal! (Throw in some sausage or bacon, and he’ll do almost anything without complaining…I have a wicked streak, and I am not above bribery.)

Ingredients:

• Bread, 10-12 slices (I just use regular sandwich bread but fancier is good, too)
• 5 eggs
• 1/2-3/4 cup milk (or til it looks right!)
• shallow bowl (pie plate works well)

Egg and Milk Mixture--These eggs probably could have used a little more beating...oh, well. It tasted just fine.

Warm skillet or griddle to about 375 degrees. (You can get an electric griddle for about $20. It’s a wonderful investment!) Beat eggs thoroughly. Add milk and mix together well. Pour into shallow bowl. Spray griddle with cooking spray (if you are feeling decadent, use butter). Place a piece of bread in the mixture, flipping to coat both sides. Put immediately onto griddle. (Too much soaking=bread that falls apart. Just be sure to cover the surface of the bread.) Fill the griddle with 6-8 pieces. Watch carefully. Peek in a couple of minutes. When the bottom side is a beautiful golden brown, flip. The second side seems to cook faster–just like pancakes.

If you really want to impress, sprinkle with powdered sugar. Serve with syrup. Yum! Also, it seems to keep for a night in the fridge. Just toast the second day in a hot oven.

Prepare for the showering of praises and hugs!

Happy Friday! Happy Weekend!

]]> http://cozyyourhome.com/2010/02/19/french-toast-friday/feed/ 21 http://cozyyourhome.com/2010/02/17/wheres-my-soapbox-shhh-just-listen-sometimes/ http://cozyyourhome.com/2010/02/17/wheres-my-soapbox-shhh-just-listen-sometimes/#comments Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:11:54 +0000 jamie http://cozyyourhome.com/?p=549 This is something I wrote last year…It is something I struggle with. Don’t all parents? Finding the delicate balance between talking and listening to our children is an art–one that I have yet to master, but I am working on it!

From the start, we listen for a cry or whimper. We love the first belly laugh. When the words start coming, we grab the video camera. We can’t wait to hear what they will say next.

But the newness wears off, or the sassiness starts–not sure which–and we start listening less. As the child grows and starts to have a life outside of us, we seem to get so fearful of losing our place in the sun that we spend much of our “together time” yammering away with the wisdom we so desperately need to impart. Our intentions are good, and of course, talking, teaching, and telling with words is a vital part of parenting.

The thing about talking, though, is that it only shows what the speaker is. Our talking doesn’t tell us one thing about the kid behind the ears. In order to know that kid, we eventually have to be quiet and give him or her a chance to get a word in edgewise.

Once the door has been opened, parents have to remember to actually hear what the child has to say. Give me a little credit here…I’m not talking about a kid having carte blanche to say anything, no matter how rude or disrespectful. I’m talking about listening to her when she says she doesn’t like Mrs. Distant, the art teacher. Letting her express her feelings and reasons–especially at the kitchen table–and not telling her she shouldn’t feel that way. A few thoughtful questions might not be a bad idea. Just take care not to drive the conversation always in the direction you want to go.

Sometimes I hear things from my children that just make me cringe. Sometimes I can’t hold my tongue. But I have found that the more I listen, the more they talk. This wasn’t such an issue at four and five, but it becomes more so as they grow older. If you want your kids to talk to you when they are teenagers, start listening to them today. Find out who they are and how they think. Show them, by listening, that you love them unconditionally and will always be interested in who they are and who they become.

Distracted Dining--What are we doing? *photo from flickr.com/photos/artotemsco

There has been a lot in the news lately about distracted driving–particularly the kind involving cell phone use. Statistics show that a driver on a cell phone is four times more likely to be involved in an accident; new studies indicate that laws are not making much of a difference.

This isn’t my battle, though. Every driver makes his or her own decisions and then lives with the consequences. My topic today is for parents, particularly moms, though I see dads doing this, too.

All parents spend some time in parking lots, waiting for children. Sports practices do not end on time, or we arrive a few minutes early just to be on the safe side. Then, instead of wasting time, we decide to catch up with a friend or conduct some business on the cell phone. It’s OK; we are parked.

What I observe many times, though, is the child getting into the car and the parent continuing the conversation on the phone, many times not even glancing at the child. Talk about missing the boat! This is prime time for parent-child communication–from the little guys up through teens.

I have two teenagers, and there are times when they get in the car and do not want to talk. I get that. But if they want to unload about basketball or tell me about their French class or who is going out with whom, I want them to know that I am available to listen. If I am on my telephone, that moment disappears quickly. I miss out; they miss out. The connectedness of our family suffers.

I hear parents complain often that their children quit talking to them as they get older. Is that the case, or do we just stop listening? Maybe the time gets more limited. That’s natural. But when we let unimportant things cut into that time, we are letting a huge opportunity pass to maintain a relationship with our kids.

Don’t pass up a chance to get to know your children better. They change constantly, and if we don’t listen to them, converse with them, we run the risk of waking up one day (when they are 16) and not recognizing who they have become. That’s a risk I do not want to take.